Film Reviews: past, present, & future #2

Labyrinth (1986)

This movie had everything I love. Fantasy? Yes. Cool costumes? Yes. Filmed in the '80's? YES. George Lucas involvement? Yes. David Bowie?? YES! David Bowie's massive bulge?? YESSS!!!

But it also had stuff I didn't love. Freaky-ass puppets??? OH GOD, EVERYWHERE!!!

So I give this classic 4 out of 5 Bowie Bulges, with only one bulge subtracted because of my irrational fear of puppets.

So it's been a while since the last post...

So what?? Who cares???

Potato Judge Ruling #2

McDonalds, guess what? You're rich. And powerful. So why did you bother creating a character that looks exactly like the character Paco from the band Reggie and the Full Effect? Huh? Did you think, oh, no one's heard of them...and if they try anything, we'll turn them into BURGERS! BURGERS I TELL YOU!! Well guess what, the Paco character is now dead. Sounds fishy...Filet-o-Fishy. I mean, what music personalities are you going to rip off next, The Aquabats?? Why would you do that, they wouldn't sell McNuggets very well, would they? Who knows...either way McDonalds, Potato Judge has made a ruling:


PS: Please don't turn me into a burger for this, McDonalds. Maybe a McFlurry but not a burger.

WHHere do you GET OFF?!?! #3

Uh, Bad Religion I just have a quick question, you know, if you can spare some time from being a cool old punk band...just one thing...WHHERE do you GET OFF?!?!

You're playing Warped Tour for the 568th time. That's awesome. Seeing you perform is like visiting your cool grandpa and he tells you bad-ass stories of f-ing armageddon and burning Los Angeles. But that leads me to my point...L.A....you're not playing it. You're not playing the L.A. stop. You're from L.A. and you're not playing L.A. Uhhh...I don't get it. And to make matters worse, you're playing POMONA and VENTURA!! Yeah, pander to the two loser SoCal locations but ignore the one you are FROM! VenTURA?!?! Are you f-ing kidding me??! What, are you going to go to the yacht club afterwards?!? Or did you just want to feel the ocean breeze running through your...uh...fingers. Well?! L.A. is punk. Ventura is for fancy folk. And Pomona just makes fun of itself. Bad Religion, why? We love you...in spite of the fact that your lyrics sometimes hurt my feelings.

You know what, fine, don't come here. We have plenty of bad-asses playing and we don't need you. We have NOFX. So while you're thinking of new ways to incorporate "candy canes" into more songs, we'll be sweating our asses off in the Home Depot Center to 'Hot Dog in a Hallway.' But before you go, I'm curious...WHHERE do you GET OFF?!??!?!

Oh? How's it feel to have that anti thing going through your picture??! Not good, huh? Burrrn.

Fake Poetry #4

Woman's skirt flies up
Woman's skirt flies up
Woman's skirt flies up
*Boi-oi-oing*
Fart on the baby
Fart on the baby
Fart on the baby
*Slide whistle*
Man gets stabbed in face
Man gets stabbed in face
Man gets stabbed in face
*Cuckoo clock sound*
Mex
i
can
tv
Chiste GRANDE!

Remember?! #3

*

...those HORRENDOUS music videos from Bill Nye the Science Guy?!

Don't get me wrong, this was my favorite show as a kid and I learned a lot about weather and velocity thanks to these songs. However, watching them now gives me that same knot of embarrassment in my stomach that I would get when my mom would make my sisters and I wear matching pink jumpsuits to school.

Thank you to Steve for taking the time (and having the stomach) to compile all these videos on his YouTube profile. Much respect:
http://www.youtube.com/user/NyeTunes

*Note: I didn't want to get a still from the videos because they scare me. Instead is a picture of the coolest shirt I've ever seen, buy it here.

Potato Judge Ruling #1

CD layout designers:
What is your deal with tri-fold cds?! I'm paying for a CD, not some sort of treasure hunt, unfolding adventure here! I would like to open the CD and take out my cd. Don't EVEN get me started on quadro-fold CDs. we are music fans here, we don't have time to sit and unfold cd covers all day!